


the earth laughs in flowers

by orphan_account



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, also: I Tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 07:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9225308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "my heart aches for you."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back w her half assed midnight written stories & an intense love for lee minhyuk n chae hyungwon :D u kno,,,, if this was tumblr this would be counted as a shitpost tbh
> 
> !!!!! btw this was originally a single-chaptered fic but i split it into 2 parts && changed the ending just saying

_He doesn't know when these feelings started – all he knows is the mess it's gotten him into._

 

Minhyuk's stomach twists pleasantly as Hyungwon rests his head on his shoulder, sparks bursting under his skin.

 

“Hyungwon?” Minhyuk whispers. The two of them are sitting together at the park, knees and legs knocking against each other as they fit themselves tightly under the slide. It was way past midnight, and they were supposed to be at the dorm, getting rest, especially since they had practice earlier and had a schedule tomorrow.

 

It was Minhyuk's idea to go outside, though bringing Hyungwon along wasn't exactly part of the plan. The younger had caught him slipping on his coat and shoes, though, and insisted on going with him.

 

They'd ended where they were now, cold and sleepy and giggling together, and after what seemed like hours of talks on random things and peaceful silences, Hyungwon had apparently fallen asleep on Minhyuk's shoulder.

 

Minhyuk turns his head now, his lips meeting the top of Hyungwon's head, and he breathes his scent in.

 

He stays there for a moment, taking everyting in, before he pulls away and says loudly, “Hyungwon-ah, we should go back now. Hyungwon.”

 

It takes seconds longer for Hyungwon to wake up. A second more, and their little hang out was over as they step back into the warm dorm.

 

That morning, when Hyungwon takes his hand in his as they sit next to each other inside the van, he doesn't complain, partly because he's sleepy and extra clingy, and also because he likes holding Hyungwon's hand. He grips it tight and lets his head drop onto Hyungwon's shoulder, much like the other had done just hours ago, and he closes his eyes.

 

He ignores the sick, dry feeling in his throat and lets sleep take over.

 

+

 

They're having a break after ungodly amounts of hours of practice and he's watching Hyungwon and Hoseok when the dryness in his throat comes back, and then what feels like sandpaper starts coming up his throat, so he stands up, stumbling and catching the others' attentions, and he manages a weak smile as he mutters an “I'm fine, just a bit tired” before stumbling out of the room.

 

Once he's sure he's out of sight, he rushes towards the bathroom with his hand against his mouth. It's rising,making him choke on his own breath, and as soon as the door is locked behind him he drops to his knees and retches, eyes screwed shut as he forces whatever the content of his mouth was.

 

It _burns_ , scratches as it drags slow and painful against his throat, and by the time he's got it all out, he stays there, sweaty and close to tears.

 

The tears only come when he finally opens his eyes and he sees them, floating in the water – pure white flower petals.

 

Daffodils, to be exact – for unrequited love. As if the fact that he had thrown up little flower petals wasn't obvious enough.

 

He cries, cries as he flushes the petals down and staggers to the sink, washing his flushed face and red eyes with the cool water.

 

He'll pass it off as fatigue, somehow. He'll have to.

 

+

 

The thing about throwing up flowers is that it's going to kill you whatever you do.

 

At least – it's like that for Minhyuk. Letting the flowers in him grow as his feelings grow would lead, not only to asphyxia, but also to the damage of his vocal cords, which would leave a big roadblock in his career as an idol. If that doesn't do him in, the inevitable arrival of blood-coloured petals and sharp thorns surely would.

 

Getting the disease removed, however – it would hurt him. He couldn't take it, wouldn't be able to – he'd rather die than lose his feelings for Hyungwon any day.

 

_Hyungwon._

 

God, what would he think of Minhyuk? What would the others think of him, if they find out about this? They _can't_ , they can't find out – he'll have to be careful, especially around Hyungwon.

 

(The mere thought of staying away from the taller boy makes his heart throb painfully, the flowers in him in a frenzy.)

 

+

 

Staying away from the others, like he had planned, was proving to be an absolute pain in the ass, because even the slightest tinge of lethargy from a person like Lee Minhyuk was bound to be a big issue for everyone.

 

He hates it – every time he does as much as turn to Hyungwon's direction, the air in his lungs seem to be replaced with little white petals, and he _hates_ how he can't even enjoy his presence. The whole goddamned situation was absolutely wrecking him, and of course he loses sleep – and pieces of his heart – over it all.

 

So when he goes to practice with barely an hour of sleep, he should have seen it coming.

 

The fatigue excuse was working, with the members pestering him to take a day off instead of working himself to the brink of exhaustion, so he isn't surprised by the members worrying over him the whole time.

 

What he didn't expect was the sudden twist in his heart as he bumps into Hyungwon in an accidental fall while dancing the chorus.

 

He struggles as Hyungwon wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a sitting position against his chest, and he feels butterflies in his stomach flutter and die as the flowers bloom and race upwards, and he chokes as he stands up, wrenching himself out of Hyungwon's arms, and bolts out of the room.

 

If they hadn't noticed that something was wrong when Minhyuk had first rushed out a week ago, they definitely do now.

 

He can hear his members shouting after him, remembers Hyungwon's look of worry, and he runs to the bathroom with petals threatening to spill past closed lips.

 

He reaches the bathroom in time for the petals to start pushing through, and in a daze, he recognises the shade to be those of heathers.

 

“Hyung?”

 

He sobs, spitting one last petal out before he collapses against the wall. Through his lashes, he watches Changkyun lock the door carefully behind him, making sure not to scare the boy huddled against the corner.

 

He watches the maknae take one look at the flowers in the bowl before turning to the older with such a sad look in his eyes.

 

“Oh, hyung,” he says softly, crouching down to cradle him in his arms. “Why didn't you tell us?”

 

Minhyuk trembles against Changkyun, and he's never been more thankful for the boy's sensitivity and warmth than he is now. He leans into the youngest, letting him reach out to flush the petals down before wiping Minhyuk's sweat away with his sleeves.

 

They stay there, quiet until the sound of Changkyun's phone breaks it.

 

“It's Kihyun hyung,” he says. “He's asking how you are. Should I tell him...?”

 

Minhyuk immediately shakes his head no, and Changkyun hums in response as he replies to the message. “I said you were feeling really bad. Um. Come on, hyung, let's go back to the dorms so you can rest.

 

 _It's going to be okay_.”

 

+

 

Changkyun settles in front of Minhyuk on his bunk once he's gotten him a warm cup of tea, and they sit in a loud silence as the youngest member watches him over his own cup.

 

“Hyung, who is it?” he asks, voice low but sudden to Minhyuk's ears.

 

Minhyuk's puffy eyes blink at him, and his voice is scratchy when he speaks. “I don't really... want to say.”

 

Changkyun nods, curious but understanding. “Are you going to get the surgery?”

 

“I don't want to,” is the answer, simple and complicated at the same time. Changkyun sighs.

 

“It doesn't hurt, you know,” he muses. “The surgery, I mean. It's as simple as falling asleep,” he adds when Minhyuk stares at him blankly.

 

“Did you have it, too?” Minhyuk asks without thinking. “Ah, sorry, I – ”

 

“It's fine, hyung.” Changkyun takes a deep breath. “I did, before debut. I was puking white flowers. I think they were daisies, for innocence. I thought he was going to love me back.” He smiles, but it isn't bitter or pained – just sad, empty, like he was reminiscing the memories of loving someone before losing it all at once.

 

Minhyuk is torn between having peace and loving Hyungwon.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically part 2 but w a diff ending heh

Minhyuk startles out of his reverie as Hyunwoo calls for the other members. They're going to go through the routine again, check out the flaws and polish what had to be polished. He barely listens as he sees Hyungwon and Hoseok playing around, words entering through one ear and exiting his thoughts through the other as he fights down the next plethora of flowers in his throat that fills him up along with jealousy.

 

 _Jealousy._ He never thought he'd be jealous of anyone in his whole life, much less his own member and friend. Over a crush gone wrong.

 

Beside him, Kihyun moves to get up, notions for him to do the same.

 

He does, and for the next few hours he tries to focus on the routine, really does. But there's something off – he knows, Hyunwoo knows, everyone can see it as he trips over a particular step more than he usually does.

 

He's asked if he's fine, and only when he feels Changkyun's warm hand on his slouched shoulder does he finally shakes his self pity. He smiles, and he knows that it's not as bright as it usually is, but he shows it off anyways, saying that he can do it, he's good now, nothing is wrong and that he'll be fine.

 

Because, really, nothing is wrong.

 

+

 

He watches the object of his affection with hearts in his eyes, and he watches the progression of petals with pure despair as it turns from white daffodils and pure daisies to the hazy lavenders of heathers and sunny yellows of chrysanthemums.

 

It turns out that making Changkyun keep his condition a secret was pointless, because the next time he throws up, it's in their area backstage, just after a performance.

 

There had been no cameras, thank God, but there had been the members, and their manager, who had been the one in Minhyuk's way to the bathroom and secret just minutes ago.

 

Now he's standing, head thrown back against the wall, with his eyes shut and petals all over his shoes and the floor at his feet. He feels someone's arm around his shoulder, leading him to a seat, and he opens his eyes to see Kihyun – as well as the rest – looking at him with nothing but pity.

 

“Hyung, why didn't you tell us?” Jooheon's worried voice makes his stomach churn, and he feels guilty for being such an inconvenience to them.

 

_All because my heart can't stop itself._

 

He looks around, eyes moving until they land on Hyungwon's pained eyes, and the model looks away, tense, and Minhyuk can feel his heartbreak a little more. “I'm fine, I swear. It isn't even that bad.”

 

+

 

That night, Minhyuk finds himself heaving scarlet tinted petals in the bathroom sink at the dorm, and he cries out as the sharp thorns – _God –_ rip through his throat, dragging along the tissue hard enough to draw blood that he coughs out straight into the toilet.

 

There's someone making their way to the bathroom but he could honestly care less right now as more thorns and rose petals, and there are hot tears spilling from his eyes as well.

 

“Hyung?” Changkyun's voice sounds too far away, but it's there nevertheless. “Hyung, those are _roses!_ ”

 

 _No shit_ , Minhyuk thinks as he chokes out another crimson petal, accompanied by the merciless thorns, also stained crimson. _Blood. My blood. Oh my god that's my blood._

 

“Hyung!” Changkyun's yelling for someone else – probably someone in the nearest room – to wake up. “Hyung, stay in the bathroom, I need to call the manager!”

 

There are footsteps leading away, and then another set coming towards him. “What the fuck is going on – _Minhyuk!_ ”

 

He slumps backwards once it's all out, and he's surprised when he falls into Hyungwon's warmth instead of the floor's cold tiles.

 

“Oh my God,” Hyungwon says, inhaling sharply when he sees the blood trailing from the toilet lid to Minhyuk's shirt to his lips. “Oh my God, Minhyuk, you told us it wasn't that bad.”

 

“It really isn't, Won,” Minhyuk rasps, curling into Hyungwon's chest. Flowers be damned – all he truly wants now is comfort from the source of all this pain. “I promise it isn't.” _Because you make it better more than you make it bad for me._

 

“How could you say that?” Hyungwon whispers, voice weak. His hand goes to Minhyuk's back, rubbing it gently. “You literally just threw up roses!”

 

“I know.” Minhyuk's tears start dripping onto Hyungwon's shirt. Neither of them really cares. “I know.”

 

“You need to get the surgery.”

 

“No!” Minhyuk tenses against Hyungwon, who, in turn, only holds him tighter,

 

“Yes, you do!” Hyungwon snaps. “Do you really want to die because of someone who doesn't love you back? Are they even _worth_ it?”

 

“Yes,” Minhyuk fights back, albeit weakly, and Hyungwon looks _angry._

 

_Almost like he loves me back._

 

“Hyung.” Minhyuk sobs as he practically melts and falls apart in Hyungwon's arms, scared and yet comforted by the firmness of his tone. “You're going to get the surgery. I _can't_ let you die.”

 

Minhyuk shakes his head against the crook of Hyungwon's neck, but the younger is adamant, and all he can think before he passes out is _I'm going to miss loving you._

 

+

 

He wakes up, the blinding white of the walls striking his eyes, the scent of medicine in his nose, and the feeling of emptiness in his heart.

 

“Minhyuk!”

 

He turns his head slowly to see Hoseok, eyes lit in relief and warmth. The emptiness seems to be more present now, too, in place of the jealousy he had grown to associate with Shin Hoseok.

 

“Hyung,” Minhyuk greets. His voice is hoarse – probably because of the damage caused by the thorns. He doesn't say more, just watches as Hoseok stands up from the seat, his hand slipping out from Kihyun's.

 

_Kihyun._

 

He stares, blankly, at the sleeping form on the space next to Hoseok's seat, curled up in Hoseok's hoodie. His pink-topped head, which was previously resting on the other's shoulder, now leans against the stark wall, and Minhyuk's sleepy brain struggles to process the information that had presented itself so unknowingly yet blatantly to him just now.

 

So was Hoseok ever even with Hyungwon, after all? Had he trudged through the petal-covered road of misery just to realise that maybe, just maybe, he had a chance after all?

 

_Nobody had ever mentioned anything about dating, much less... feelings._

 

_What have I done?_

 

“Minhyuk?” He snaps back to reality, eyes moving to Hoseok.

 

“Ah.. I'm sorry, what was that?”

 

“The fans missed you a lot, you know,” Hoseok says.. “I'll show you their tweets later – I'm going to call a nurse now, okay?”

 

Minhyuk nods. Nothing can be done now that it's over, anyway.

 

+

 

Maybe the surgery wasn't so bad.

 

On the brighter side, he didn't have to suffer through vomiting his own blood and flowers on a daily basis. Life was easier, in some ways.

 

Life was easier, but life wasn't _complete_.

 

The love he was so used to, the ease with which he would smile so freely around Hyungwon – it wasn't the same. Life wasn't the same without the overwhelming feelings he harboured for Chae Hyungwon.

 

+

 

It's a month after the surgery when he wakes up alone in the dorm, the sun casting a tangerine haze as it sets. He's alone – _the other members must be practicing right now_ , he thinks.

 

He pads over to the kitchen and makes himself a cup of ramyeon, curling up on the sofa and switching the television off. He doesn't listen to the program at all, just sips listlessly on the noodles. His thoughts wander from their album to everything else before they fly back to the one person he probably will never stop thinking about, even after the feelings have been removed with the flowers that had rooted themselves in him.

 

_Hyungwon._

 

(And, in hindsight, he really shouldn't have spent so much time thinking about Hyungwon and the endless list of beautiful things about him.)

 

Minhyuk starts choking all of a sudden, and he thinks he ate too much, so he rushes to the sink – only to gasp as a dainty, pure white petal flutters down.

 

(At the same time another white petal falls, this time from a different boy, from plump, pink lips, accompanied by a single tear.)

 

(Their flowers fall once then all together as they cry out, alone.)

 

_I didn't ask for this._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's a wrap :^) thank u for reading!!! hope u liked it + leave a comment? i love hyunghyuk goodbye frens

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to say whatever i appreciate it i mean IF U MANAGED TO READ THROUGH THIS I ALREADY APPRECIATE U


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